the fear of the unknown is always the greatest fear

Lately, I have been feeling, well I don’t know what I have been feeling to be honest.

Something inside of me has always been somewhat horrified of change, I was that way as a six year old and we got a new car, and on every detail in between.

That something inside is rearing its ugly head again right now and I want to find a way to fight it and defeat it.  Layed out in front of me is a real job, one that would mean a salary, more responsibility and who knows what else.

However my fear of change, of failure and even moreso of success is hampering that.  I am so damn scared of what could happen that I am paralyzed, and that has to stop.

It is these unfounded fears that are killing me.

nothing is arbitrary

It’s weird how quickly things can change in your head based on unimportant minutiae.

Thursday night I went to see the Angels play and they had a chance to gain a share of the division title, they played wonderfully and ended up winning, and we ended up buying tickets for the next nights game in hopes of seeing them win the division outright.  They didn’t do it but I was still happy.

I point this out because in the grand scheme of things that is life, what occurred means nothing.  Sure entertainment is important but it is hardly the most important thing, unless maybe you’re in the industry I guess.

I remember leaving the park at the completion of the game on Thursday and being so extraordinarily happy, even remarking about how it was crazy that something so unimportant could make  someone feel this good.

The next night I was hardly thinking the same thing as the team got flat out dominated by their opponents but still that loss meant nothing as far as my overall health and well being.

You see its not important what you do for fun, its not important what your neighbors do for fun.  We all need to enjoy ourselves and have fun but also understand that these fleeting moments  while important are not the most important things in life.